Welcome to the Dark Side

I have completed 8 workouts now in less than 2 weeks.  Typically this would take me at least a month to do.  I am no longer dying during my workouts which is really quite nice.  I'm working harder and hurting less.  For example when I cycle 10km in 23 minutes I still drip tonnes of sweat because I'm working hard, but I am no longer gasping for air (I breathe heavy and deep, but steady) and my butt has gotten used to the bike seat.  Or when I run or elliptical I can go for longer and my heart is not bursting out of my chest.  My body gives out from discomfort from the jostling before my heart and lungs do most of the time.  This is great news!  It also means that I need to workout longer in order to push myself the same way I did a week and a half ago.  Ugh!  I never thought I'd be at the gym, complete a workout, and say "I think I will go do 'x' because it doesn't feel like I've done enough yet".  I've crossed over to the dark side.

I had a conversation with a co-worker yesterday about her embarrassment of going to the gym because she felt like everyone was watching her.  I asked her if she spends her time at the gym watching other people (because I honestly thought she would say "no").  She replied with a laugh that of course she watches other people at the gym and that in her mind she admires the ones who are doing well and pokes fun at the ones who are not.  She did not want to be critiqued by others like she does to them.  Before I could think and respond with compassion I blurted out "If you are spending that much time watching and judging others than you must not be working out hard enough!"  Let me just stuff my foot back into my mouth because although I believe this to be true it wasn't very supportive to say.

When you are at the gym and working hard - full effort - are you able to watch other people and judge their efforts?  I certainly cannot.  All I can think about is getting through the next minute or next set.  Between workouts I do look around at people and admire those that are doing things I can't imagine doing.  I see people that are struggling and think "Good for you for being here and trying".  My mind rewards effort regardless of ability.

However, my mind has started to despise people that are just taking up space.  If I am cycling like crazy and dripping with sweat and you are across from me (the bikes are lined up face-to-face) reading a magazine or sitting up not holding onto the handlebars because you are going so slow you don't need to grip something, you have a smile on your face, your mouth is closed because you are not sucking in air, then I do judge you. I think "why the hell are you here?"

Do you look like you are ready for a photo shoot when you are done like this?




Or are you riding like this?



What is the point of coming to a gym to workout to just go through the motions?  Why are you standing on the floor next to your friend who is doing the elliptical so you can chat for 20 minutes, but you don't hop onto the empty elliptical next to her?  You are just taking up space using a machine that I could benefit from using to get in an actual workout to achieve actual results.  I suspect I will not see you at the gym next month because you will see that your efforts are pointless and stop coming.  Again, I am crossing over into the dark side.

FMM and Some Inspirational Poetry

1. Did you watch the Oscars? If so, who did you enjoy seeing most?
I worked 11am-11pm yesterday so I did not watch the Oscars.  Awards shows bore me to death anyway.

2. Do you drink meal replacement shakes, smoothies, etc?  If so, what’s your favorite kind?
I do not and I have never had any of them to drink.  I don't believe in quick fixes or supplements.  I don't think they are the healthiest choice.  I also don't think they would be effective for me because I like the taste of food.  If I was to drink a meal replacement shake for lunch I would just be adding calories to my day because I'd eat real food an hour later.

3. Share one thing you have done to help someone in the last week? 
I help people on a daily basis - kind of part of my jobs as a teacher and a dispatcher.  Other than that I guess I held the door for several people at the gym.

4. What is the tastiest thing you ate last week? 
Baby spinach salad with fresh strawberries, fresh blueberries, feta cheese, sesame seeds, and homemade balsamic dressing.  Variations of this salad (spinach, fruit, nuts/seeds, cheese, homemade dressing) is one of my all-time favourite things to eat and I really should make a point of having it more often.  Chris and I once did a dinner challenge for a week where every dinner was a salad.  We had some rules about how many salads needed protein and how many couldn't use greens, etc.  It was great!  We tried lots of new salads - some of which we continue to make.

5. Think of one fun thing that you could do this week without spending any money to do it. 
I love having game nights with friends or just spending that time with my husband.  I grew up in a family where if you were able to hold cards or throw dice you were sitting at the table playing.  I have a massive board game collection that Chris constantly has me weed out.  We play games together all the time.  It is a great way to chat with each other and connect after dinner.

6. Share one place that you’ve been to and would like to visit again. 
I'm looking forward to returning to San Juan, Puerto Rico in a few weeks while on a cruise.  If you've never had mofongo it is absolutely delicious.  I also really enjoyed Las Vegas and would love to take Chris there.

7. Do you prefer Facebook or Twitter? 
I don't use Twitter so I guess by default my answer is Facebook.

8. What is your favourite vegetable? 
I love lots of vegetables so nothing is jumping out right away.  I guess squash because it is not too often that I make it so it never loses its appeal.  Chris' favourite is broccoli which really sucks because it is one of my least favourite vegetables.  I eat it, but I wouldn't buy it if Chris didn't like it so much.  Ooh, now that I've been thinking a second my favourite vegetable is actually green or yellow string beans.  Delicious!  I hope this summer I can start a veggie garden and grow some.

9. Share a goal that you have for the month of March.
I am doing 20 workouts at the gym (including 5 workouts on a cruiseship - lucky me!).

10. Share a quote that inspires you. 
I'm not a quote kind of person.  How about a poem?  Or now that I grabbed my poetry book, how about two?  Both poems are by Edgar A. Guest

It Couldn't Be Done

Somebody said that it couldn't be done,
But he with a chuckle replied
That "maybe it couldn't," but he would be one
Who wouldn't say so till he'd tried.

So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you'll never do that;
At least no one ever has done it;"
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
And the first thing we knew he'd begun it.

With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure;
There are thousands to point out to you, one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.

But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
That "cannot be done," and you'll do it.


 Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
when the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
when the funds are low and the debts are high,
and you want to smile but you have to sigh,
when care is pressing you down a bit - rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a fellow turns about when he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow - you may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than it seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor's cup;
and he learned too late when the night came down,
how close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out - the silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
and when you never can tell how close you are,
it may be near when it seems afar;
so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit - it's when things seem worst, you must not quit.


Now go to www.alltheweigh.com to post your own repsonses to these questions.

 

Week One: Am I Happy Yet?

Week one of my 20 day fitness challenge is officially over.  How did I do?

Workouts
Tuesday: 10 minute cycle, weight training - legs, 10 minute cycle
Wednesday: 10 minute running sprints, weight training - arms, 10 minute running intervals
Thursday: 10km cycle, weight training - core, 10 minute elliptical
Saturday (a day late, but got it in): 475m swim

Calories (1730 calorie food intake goal)

Under: 3 days
Over: 2 days
Not logged: 2 days

Weight
Down 1.3lbs

Body Image
New haircut and highlights (a 3.5 hour process that boggles my husband's mind I could spend that much time in a salon)
New clothes (tops are surprisingly one size smaller than I normally buy)
New workout pants (yes, I've actually worn out a pair for the first time ever!)

Mood
Very inspired by the blog world
Excited to meet new and old gym friends this week
Connecting more with my hubby
Investigating tips suggested by friends
No longer sore the next day from workouts
Slightly hungry
Difficulty getting to sleep/waking up early - my body wants to move and my brain wants to think
Eager to see what this week brings

Fun Fact
In my research this week of triathlons for beginners I discovered the best and fastest triathletes pee while cycling and running!  Super gross!

The Inspiration Bug

Inspiring Blogger Award

My husband nominated me for another blog award.  I appreciate his support and interest in my blogging and his confidence that I will post items of inspiration.  I do not understand why inspiring blogger awards and the like require you to post random facts about yourself.  To me it make more sense to post things that inspire you because that connects better to the award name and purpose - to inspire others.  So I am officially changing the purpose of this award before I pass it on to others.

Things that Inspire Me

1) Great Workout Music
Yesterday I took my ipod to the gym because lately I haven't been able to get a bike with a tv on it that will distract me from the tired I feel while spinning and staring at the wall.  I was enjoying my tunes, but then a song came on that changed my pace, my interest in cycling, and my general happiness.  It was "Young Homie" by Chris Rene.  A song I like, but didn't realize would be a song that would pump up my workout.  I was so impressed at the change in my behaviour it created that I hit repeat just to keep the feeling going.  I love when I find music that gets me moving.  "Black Horse and a Cherry Tree" by Katy Tunstell is another one.

2) Other Blogs
I read blogs to see what else is out there.  I have never been interested much in fitness things so I read to get exposed to things I would never have considered trying otherwise.  I read blogs to get more informed even if it is about something I don't desire to try.  ie. Last weekend I watched a bunch of Tough Mudder videos and training workout videos for the race even though I do not want to do this race ever.  It was interesting.  Sometimes I get my inspiration from the blog right away - like "hey, I'm going to go try that right now", sometimes it floats around in my brain for a long time and then I pull it together with more floaty bits to make something that works for me, and other times I read and think "oh, God, I hope I don't sound like that or make those choices - I better watch myself and get back on track".  It really varies depending on my mood, but I always take something from it.  This is precisely why I participated in a Bachelor of Education application reading day yesterday.  I read 40 applications to the teaching program because people who desperately want to be teachers make me grateful to be one and inspire me to be a better teacher.  I even left with a few new ideas to implement into my own classes.

3) Photographs
I love looking at people's progress pictures.  It shows me that it is possible to lose a lot of weight.  It shows me that it takes a lot of time to achieve that goal.  Photographs of myself from the past also remind me that I once was fit even though I was unhappy with my body then.  Photographs of me now remind me that I am not the size 12 my brain sometimes thinks I am.  Photographs give me something to work towards.  They show me the body type I find attractive.  When Chris started working out he told his trainer he wanted to look like Batman, not The Hulk at the end of this progress.  I want to look slimmer, but curvy, and feminine, and soft at the end of this process, not athletic and buff.  I want to look like these women...



Sara Ramirez





Tara Lynn

4) Yummy Food

When I see healthy food laid out, all prepared, and fresh it makes me want to eat it.  Delicious and nutrition food always looks more appealing to me than junk food.  I eat junk food because my tastebuds like it and it is convenient.  When presented with fresh fruit and veggies I will load my plate up with that before choosing anything else because deep down I truly enjoy it more.  New recipes for foods I already love make me want to cook and eat better too.

5) Cool Activities

I loved skiing when I was younger.  I think I would die of exhaustian and sore ankles and legs if I tried it now.  I need to be in better shape to do a sport like this.  I love playing volleyball.  There is a drop in league near my house for women, but I'm too shy to go until I know I won't leave pools of sweat around me.  It is intimidating to workout with people that are in shape.  This is why when I'm at the gym I try to pick a machine that is between someone who is in crazy good shape an someone who is also on the journey with me.  Then I can feel like I belong, but aspire to be better.  I love being on the water.  I attended a university for 5 years that has one of the best rowing teams in Ontario and hosts a huge race every year.  I never tried out for the team because on top of not knowing how to row, I didn't look like a rower, nor did I have the stamina of a rower.  This is the same reason why I didn't join the fencing team.  I wish I had taken those risks.  When I no longer work weekends I will seriously look into joining a Dragonboat team.

What inspires you?

Grumble, Grumble, Goes My Tummy

Hunger
I have started entering my calories into MyFitnessPal again.  I don't find that I'm eating any less than I did when I wasn't actively counting calories, but something about the process makes me feel like I'm being deprived.  I have not heard my stomach grumble so many times in day until I decided to stick close to my 1700 calories a day.  Surprisingly I don't actually feel hungry throughout the day, but that hour before bed is killer.  I never used to eat anything after dinner and now I'm searching the house late at night for something to stop the noise and somersaults in my tummy.  I need to come up with a plan for this so I'm not waking up throughout the night craving breakfast.

Working Out
This week of committment to the gym has gone well.  Every day has been a struggle to get motivated to go to the gym, but I just tell myself that I'm going anyway.  It is still a consious decision to go rather than a desire.  Going right from work is the best choice for me and I have had to turn down a lot of things I would like to be doing or things that make more sense to do first just to go to the gym.  I have also been spending more time at the gym than I thought I would when I do go.  I even finished my workout yesterday and decided it just wasn't enough for me so I hopped on the elliptical for 10 minutes to finish off my day.  I'm excited to see the scale tomorrow morning to see how effective my workouts have been this week weight-wise.  Health-wise and attitude-wise they are already beneficial.

My goals:
Attend the gym 5 days a week (this week is 4 because of the holiday I worked)
Aim to eat 1700 calories a day
Aim to burn 500 calories a day at the gym
Balance my workouts to include running, cycling, arm weights, and leg weights
Bonus: Swim, elliptical, stretching (yoga), and weekend at work movement breaks

Day 1 of 20: Full of Surprises

I went to the gym after work today.  I had a plan.  Do 10 minutes on the bike then a series of weight machines, 10 minutes on the bike, more weights, and repeat once more.  I alloted myself just over an hour at the gym. 

I was starving after work as my lunch 20 minutes seemed to disappear far too fast and I ate half my apple (my after work snack) just to get something else in me at lunch.  This meant I was tempted to stop for a treat on the way to the gym.  Instead I texted Chris to have dinner on the table for 5:30 and I convinced myself that all I really needed was a glass of water.  Turns out I was right - I was thirsty and not hungry.

At the gym I did my 10 minutes on the bike (3 miles) and worked up a sweat.  I got my heart rate going (although it no longer hits the 170s like it used to thankfully).  I started the weight machine circuit with legs as they were the closest and therefore most logical machines to tackle.  I did 6 machines doing 2 sets of 15 reps on each.  I logged my current weights on my chart with a blue pen that exploded in my hands (note to self: check my pant's pockets for pens before washing next time), cleaned up, and got back on the bike. 

I looked at the clock and an hour had already passed since I thought I arrived at the gym.  Impossible!  I was not killing time, but somehow time just slipped away from me.  I must have taken longer in the changeroom, gathering my things, and cleaning off machines (I like them really clean).  I was happy that the gym did not seem like work.  I could have easily stayed another hour, but I didn't want to spend my night that way.  I did another 10 minutes on the bike then charted the other weight machines for better planning for next time.

I think I will run and do arms tomorrow.  But, who knows I might change my mind and try something else so we will have to see.

On my way out I ran into my grade 12 math teacher and her daughter.  This is a woman that I really connected with and later ran a Sparks unit with for a few years.  She was bigger than me when I knew her.  I almost didn't recognize her she was so tiny and looked younger than she did when I knew her.  It was nice to see that someone else who put in the hard work achieved what I want to achieve.  Hopefully we run into each other again.  There are actually quite a few teachers I know that workout at my new gym.  It's nice to see the friendly faces when I looked up from a workout with sweat dripping off me.

I also ate a bowl of homemade blueberry crumble after dinner and still made it in under my calories for the day before adding in calories burned from my workout.  When I'm busy I don't eat as much.  Clearly I don't need to eat as much either.  I eat from boredom and apparently sometimes I eat because I'm thirsty and just don't know it.

End result of today:  I am super sore.  I think it is more from the fact that I was tired of sitting on a chair at work for three 12 hour shifts this weekend so I did a bunch of squats and lunges at work.  My sitting down muscles ache and Chris tried to give me a backrub, but it was painful.

Strive to Like Who You Are

I recently read a post on Affection for Fitness where Marion mentioned I "strive to like who I am at the end of the day".  I think this is a great viewpoint to adopt.  Don't get me wrong because I do like who I am at the end of every day, but who couldn't like themselves just a bit more?  My husband may beg to differ as I can have a pretty big ego sometimes.

Actually, a lot of what Marion has been writing about lately and what my husband has been discussing with me for a long time is starting to connect. 

• Make fitness a priority
• Have a positive outlook
• Stick to your goals
• Do exercises that you enjoy
• Try new things
• Attack fitness with the same determination as other life areas
• Consider fitness my new job
• Focus on being healthy
• and more!

I've always gotten it intellectually, but now I've decided to act on it and stop waiting for some epiphany that just doesn't seem to be headed my way.  I'm not going to wake up one day and decide I'm ready to go for a black belt, or compete in some crazy race, or achieve some insane fitness goal.  I wasn't that person when I was young and fit so why do I think I will be that person now?  Instead I am a person who wants to be capable and confident of doing fit things should I choose to do them.  Perhaps when I reach that point the fitness expeditions will become something I want to achieve, but I'm okay with it if that does not happen.

So how am I going to do this?  Clearly what I have been doing is not working because I'm choosing for it not to work.  I have to ask myself what did I do differently the one and only time I did successfully lose almost 30lbs?  I was committed to fitness and I made it a priority.  I looked forward to going to the gym most days.  I didn't make up any excuses. 

How did I do this?  I decided to do it.  I made it a goal that I would go to the gym every workday.  I went to the gym every workday (5 days) before I went to work.  I got up early.  I went.  I came home and showered and dressed for work and then I went about my day.  I did exercises that were no-brainers.  I hopped on the bike and then I did the weight circuit.  On days when I didn't feel like going to the gym I didn't have to think about it - I went and I went through the motions.  I did short workouts (30-40 minutes) so it wasn't inconvenient to my day or too taxing on my body.

What I've discovered about myself...I can't commit partway.  If I say I will gym 3 days a week I have 4 days a week where I can say "Oh, I'll go tomorrow instead".  The problem is I don't go tomorrow either.  I try and take on too much in order to match up to people who have already put forth the baby steps.  I need to start small and not think about what I need to do next.  Early morning workouts do not work with my adult work schedule and I won't go to the gym if I come home first, so I need to go to the gym directly from work.  Everything else can wait the extra hour for me to gym, drive home, and shower.  I need to pack a pre-gym snack or else I will eat junk food on my drive to the gym to make up for missed lunches during busy work days at my schools.  I need to get over the 3 week only commitment hump to make this part of my life.

The new mindset:  I am committed to going to the gym all 3 days after work and when I wake up on my 2 non-work days for the next 4 weeks.  I will not miss a day even when I am on my cruise (which is conveniently during week 4 to help get me over the slack-off hump).  In 4 weeks I will assess my happiness. If I am a happier person I will continue with my new mindset and determination.  If I am not happier then I don't know what I will do next, but at least I will know I tried with full commitment.